Discovering Discoveries . . .

My last meeting with Mira was, I feel very productive. She gave very insightful feed back on the work I have been doing and further challenged me to create both physical resistance with material as well as resistance in the ideas I am trying to convey. While in the meeting with Mira I realized what my amorphous shapes mean to me. Once back in my studio and looking at my work from this and last semester it makes sense for me. An aspect of my life that at once creates paralyzing fear and incomparable joy. I hope that this realization will bring the depth and necessity to my work that has been lacking.

Other suggestions include creating larger work again. Many of my mylar drawings are quite small, some only 6in x 6in. I agree that small images while they can initiate intimacy can also be 'easier', simply because they are less outright, or in your face than larger work. However translating the small mylar drawings into lager work is proving a challenge. Some slowly created details do not translate well into my larger cartoon forms. Also translating my forms into 3D was suggested, to add more meaning and give greater understanding. I eagerly look forward to trying this out.

My hope is that I'v got it right and that this new discovery really is at the heart of my interests. I feel this month will be pivotal in this discovery as I continue to work.

Playing with Bread and Glue . . . waiting for the real clay to arrive 

In progress 

Simplicity in duplicates 

I feel like I am putting a puzzle about myself together. There are many facets, I do not just have one idea in creating art, I think it is more cumulative to me. Containing everything from childhood until present day.

Layers of Paper, Layers of Meaning?

I am continuing with they mylar and layers playing with different colors, backgrounds and ways of creating and breaking space. Continuing to add hints of the real, or cartoon real with abstract shapes. I feel like I am gaining momentum. I do not usually spend so much time working small but for the moment it feels right, and that there is more to explore here.

I have continued to ponder and deliberate the question of why I make art. It is on my mind constantly. And although I do not have a fully articulated response, I feel like I am getting closer.

It seems that for me making art is at least partially about control. The ability to have complete control over something, from start to finish. I seek to control the uncontrollable in life, which is of course an impossibility, in art this is possible. It is also, I believe an attempt to create or provide for myself an escape, a fantasy world where things make sense. But in my art, like in the real world things do not make sense. There is always something distorted or wrong.

I am simultaneously representing the fantasy world of childhood cartoons in which I wish I lived or could escape to, and the nonsensical, terrible and disturbed nature of real life.

I will continue to ponder the question and my response to it.

3 layers - watercolor paper, old colligraphy paper and mylar  

Work in Progress

I intend to cut out each of these shapes, partially revealing the drawing beneath 

Experiments with under layers 

Little Layers Part 2 . . .

Over the last week I have been playing more with the mylar, and experimenting with the different types of backgrounds that can be used with them. Today I created a few small two colored "paintings"or drawings with paint which is probably more accurate. Wall paper and photos are other options I have explored and will continue to explore, as bases. I am also playing with limited color on the mylar. 

The thing I find most interesting about these little guys is the potential to play with the layers. To move and change them until they feel right.  I have included a few that I feel are complete along with several in process, that I will probably play with more. I have also included several of the same images in different orders/ with different backgrounds. 

I plan to experiment with building some simple frames this weekend and getting back into installation. 

Bases, drawings with paint 

Same drawings different background 

Many different versions all with the same base 

Little Layers . . .

The large tarp I've been prepping and working on just is not going how I would like it to. I know I need to keep working so I decided to see if working small would get me going. It seems to be working. At the residency mylar was suggested as surface to work on. I thought I would use the mylar for larger work but it works well for small to. By cutting out several 6x6 pieces of mylar I am able to physically experiment with layering. By Combining images from my imagination, drawn on the spot or from my sketch books as well as "background" images from children's books.

My first research paper is on the grotesque, and I have found that in order to be considered grotesque, as opposed to pure fantasy there must be an element of the normal, or real in the work. This was lacking in the work I brought to the last residency, and is something I am currently considering.

Three Challenges, One BIG Question . . .

 My first meeting with Mentor Mira Schor was part challenge, part adventure.

1.    The first challenge was the act of getting to her. Wednesday was my first ever solo trip into NYC. I have been with friends and family but never alone. I was hoping to get a cab outside Grand Central and make it to her apartment by 4, however I was unable to get a cab and had to turn to the subway. I was out of my element to say the least. I made it to Mira’s apartment a whopping hour late and completely mortified.

2.    The second challenge was meeting such a well renowned and well-respected artist and author, especially under the embarrassing condition of being so very late. Mira was very kind about the lateness and took her time with me during the meeting despite this.

3.    The third challenge was her very simple yet deep question, why do you make art, what are you trying to say? And to this simple question I had no answer. A few faculty members brought this up during residency and I was also unable to answer them. This question over the last few days has lead to an identity crisis of sorts. I begin to wonder what I am doing making art when I can only give the reason that I am driven to.

Can everyone else answer this question about their own art?  Do people know why it is they make work and why they make work in their particular medium? I think it would help to here what others have to say about this.

I am also discovering that the shapes and characters I have been working with are not unique but have their own long history. My challenge now is to make art that is some how unique and personal to me but not revelatory.

I will be posting more about our first meeting and new work in the next day or so. 

Its time for some serious art soul searching . . .

The Bread Crumbs

Since the last residency I have been working on consolidating the comments and information given to me. But unlike the first residency I do not have wildly diverging ideas of paths to take. The basic gist was keep going and find a way to truly dig into what your art is about. 

I have been drawing in sketch books but no new and exiting ideas have yet to emerge. So while priming my very large tarp (a process far more time consuming than I remember) I began to watch netflix. I watched Style Wars a 1983 documentary about graffiti artists, Inside: Pixar a documentary about Disney's Pixar animations studios, and lastly Room 237 a documentary exploring hidden meaning in the film The Shining. While reading Mira Schor's Wet in-between documentaries. 

The decision to watch each of these documentaries tells me more about what my specific interests are and I hope through this I will be able to get a stronger grasp on why it is I make art and what it means to me. Questions I am presently unable to adequately answer for myself. 

With Room 237 I feel I am following a trail of bread crumbs. The book "The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales" by Bruno Bettelheim was referenced, which I will begin reading. As well as the movie Eyes Wide Shut also by Kubrick. By following my interests in one area I have found more material. Which really, was the whole point of Ben Sloat's seminar this residency regarding Artist Research. 

With all these new thoughts and an tarp ready to go I am exited for what will surface over the coming semester. 

Tarps In Prep Phase . . .